Would there be some way to "integrate" Aero into the install DVD?

If that's impossible, what are its dependencies?

You're going to need to keep "Themes" service (naturally), Desktop Experience, and Server Manager in order to run Aero. I think that there might be one more thing also, but I can't remember what it is now, but if you search the forum here, you might be able to find that answer.

****. I broke the add remove feature in the server manager.

Now what? What do I need to keep that?

It is very simple to add it with waik during the installation

I second hannubys... check out aviv00's Win Server 2008 Guide for more details. You may have to do some reading, but I think the Desktop Experience integration instructions are pretty early in the article. Just integrate whatever you may need with WAIK, then vLite the heck out of it! No need to use Server Manager at all.