These are just my initial reactions to your screenplay, Post # 424. Please, please, pretty please, don't take *each* of my comments and try to come up with 50 "Yes, but" or 50 "And then add that" for *each* comment. The idea is to simplify
, not "complex
ify". As I said, I'm looking for good expressive emoticons to convey what you want -- not to *deviate* from what you want. By finding good emoticons, I won't have to re-invent the wheel. I've found some good ones so far. I should have a little more free time now to work on this.
As Leonardo Da Vinci said, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
As far as S
, I kept forgetting which was which, so I'll just call the characters L (i.e., left side) and R (i.e., right side), as Forrest Gump told me to do. I'm glad you put your scenario in numbered steps, because I can respond to the numbered items..
1. IMO, there isn't a way that anyone would know what transpired before
the first scene opens. I think everything motivational needs to be shown. The first scene opens with L onstage by himself. Then L needs to demonstrate that he's doing something sarcatic, naughty, snappy, provoking, catty etc. *in the direction* of the right side of the stage. (A possibility is that L, immediately after that, could then hold up a little sign with small aliased lettering saying something to the effect "He's a jerk !" Then the sign quickly disappears. The font will be something like aliased Arial.) This should imply to the viewer that there is someone, yet unseen, on the right side.
Jaclaz, at the end of your Post where you say "The scope is to convey the idea that what has been said by L is intentionally (and jokingly) said to provoke a reaction from R.", even Karnac The Magnificent in a million years could not have deduced that from what you said in 1 through 7. It's easily remedied though. In 1 above, change the text on the sign to "Your mama wears combat boots!" which everyone knows is a joking expression used to get someone's goat. After the sign quickly disappears, L downright mocks R explicitly as in 7 below, but we need another such mocking emoticon (we don't want to repeat ourselves). Is it OK to use the obviously mocking emoticon for mooning (i.e., the act of displaying one's bare buttocks by lowering the backside of one's trousers and underpants, and bending over)? That's a funny one. If its not OK to use it, I'm sure I can find another mocking one. We can dispense with the sign all together, I guess, if we find an *undoubtedetly-mocking-in-good-humor" emoticon. I kind of like the sign though, because that would make the performance somewhat unique. It's your decision, of course, to eliminate the sign or not. Thus, the performance begins with L mocking R in 1 and ends with L mocking R in 7. L definitely triumphs in this screenplay, in every aspect.
2. Then L tries to look innocent/indifferent/detached by whistling as if he didn't do anything unseemly at all.
3. R is obviously upset/angry/exasperated at L and enters the scene (from the right) in that state of mind.
4. Suddenly R extracts an object (the object could be a ball, but better a knife or a pie) and throws it towards L. I saw a *fantastic GIF* of a red brick being thrown, and I think that should be used, because there would be no doubt as to what the object was. Also, the red of the brick would tie in well with the angry, red face of R at this point.
5. L who was only seemingly minding his own business but actually very attentive to the movements of R, quickly ducks, thus making the thrown object miss him (the object may end it's trajectory outside the scene or splat/crash on a "wall" on the very left side of the scene). IMO, more effective -- (and, believe me, a lot easier to render) -- for the brick to end its trajectory *outside* the scene and also more in line with R who entered the stage from *outside* the scene. Also, L ducks by disappearing downward *out of the scene* either completely or just enough for the brick to miss him. I think it's best for L to completely duck out of the picture, because then R will be onstage by himself so full attention can be given to R as in 6.
6. R is surprised (OK, need to find emoticon for surprised) and [
-- (I don't like your symbol for deluded; it's not clear what that expression means)] frustrated and disappointed at having missed his intended target. Need those latter 2 emoticon -- i.e., for "Darn it!". R exits sadly the scene on the right.
renters the arena moving upward (i.e., the opposite of how he ducked out of the picture) -- (tentatively at first, and looking around, because he doesn't know if R is going to throw another brick). When he's sure another brick isn't on its way, he has a large smile on his face and maybe
having successfully avoided being hit. Love your emoticon for "downright mocks him explicitly" !!! (That's what I meant by getting a good cast of emoticon characters. Since the emoticon dialogue is from right to left and left to right, I need a bunch of emoticons facing left or right (of course, I can flip them horizontally as need be), and I've found quite a few so far.