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This is absolutely hilarious you have got to read it Part 2

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GHOST s***:- you know that you’ve s***. There’s s*** on the toilet paper but no s*** in the bowl. Sometimes referred to as the “Torpedo s***” by those who hear the splash.

HILTON s***:- Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl to make sure that you did it.

GOOEY s***:- This has the consistency of hot tar and leaves permanent skid marks on the toilet. You wipe your backside 18 times and still it doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain them.

SECOND THOUGHT s***:- you’ve done wiping yourself and are just standing up when you realise ……….There’s more to come.

POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD s***:- The kind that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come out until you’re all sweaty trembling and purple from straining hard.

DIET s***:- You crap so much you lose ten pounds.

RIGHT NOW s***:- You had better be within ten seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

KING KONG s*** OR “COMMODE CHOKER s***”:- This is BIG, so big that you know it wont go down the toilet unless you break it up into smaller chunks (a coat hanger works well) This kind usually happens in someone else’s house.

WET CHEEKS s***:- This hits the water sideways and makes a huge splash that gets your bum wet.

WISH s***:- You sit there all cramped up with pain in you guts. You fart a few times, but nothing comes out. Related to the “Pop a Vein”.

CEMENT BLOCK s*** OR “OH GOD” s***:- After you started you wish you’d had a spinal block anaesthetic first.

SNAKE s***:- This is fairly soft, about as big as your thumb and at least three feet long ways, the potential to become a torpedo.

CORK s*** ALSO KNOWN AS “THE FLOATER”:- Even after the third flush it is still there. My God! How do I get rid of it? This bloody thing is unsinkable. Another one that usually happens at someone else’s house.

MEXICAN FOOD OR “VOLCANO s***”:- Like s***ting sulphuric acid. Beware of letting any sweat trickle between the cheeks of your arse for the next day or two. Not safe to eat again until your arse stops burning. This is how the Mexicans tell when they are hungry!

BEER s***:- One of the worst kinds, but also one of the most common. It happens the day after the night before. Normally it doesn’t smell too bad, but this s*** is BAD. You spray the bowl from top to bottom so that it looks as if it’s been blasted by a shotgun loaded with oregano and you wonder how your arsehole could point in so many directions at once. Then you discover there is no toilet paper and no brush to clean the bowl. This also happens often at other peoples house.

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Guest LouCypher

or the "SHIMMY" s***... s*** comes half way out of your a** and REFUSES to go any farther so you have to "shimmy" your a** cheeks to shake it loose.

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How to prevent WET CHEEKS s*** :- throw a few sheets of bog roll in before you crap, simple.

How to flush a CORK s*** :- throw a few sheets of bog roll on TOP of the bastard!! ( also works well for cig butts when you have had a shady smoke at work )

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