[hbinded]

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. “Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer.
“Oh, I still love him,” the chick replied.
“But all he ever wants is s**, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.

The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the hard word on her.

“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be €10 in the kitchen, €20 in the living room and €50 in the bedroom.”

“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s €50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom. ” Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”

[Lazy8]

The young bride approached her waiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, with him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc..

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes, she heard of the ravages of financial ruin, caused by corporate downsizing and it's effects on a 50-year-old executive.

Nonplused, she loaded him into her car and drove down to the local hospital. Pointing to the fine structure, she informed him that he owned the land it was built on and that they paid him $16,000 per month rent.

She handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars.

Pointing across the parking lot, she gestured toward the local bank, while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars, and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank.

She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.

By now, he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car. She asked him why he was so upset in light of such good news.

He tearfully responded, "If only I had known what you were doing all these years, I would have given you all of my business!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00

Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!" The man replies "Well go wash your hands, and get me a cheese sandwich!"